He's so crooked you could use his spine for a safety pin.
He's so narrow minded that he could see through a key whole with both eyes.
He's so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.
He was trying to save both his faces.
He would stab his best friend for the sake of writing an epigram on his tombstone.
A dork is a dork is a dork.
Being attacked by him is like being savaged by a dead sheep.
Debating against him is no fun. Say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.
Failure has gone to his head.
God was bored by him.