'So let me get this straight,' the prosecutor said to the defendant. 'You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man. You then took out a pistol and shot your wife, killing her. So why did you shoot your wife and not her lover?' The defendant replied, 'It seemed easier than shooting a different man every day!'


Q: What's the worst thing you can say to a man who complains that his wife is frigid?
A: 'No, she isn't!'


Q: Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?
A: They're always bitter.


Q: Did you hear about the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his wife?
A: He fired them.


Good news: Your wife meets you at the front door wearing a sexy negligee. Bad news: She's just coming home.

Q: Why do men love a woman in leather?
A: Because she smells like a new car.
 

Q: What gets longer when pulled and works best when jerked?
A: A seat belt.


'I'm telling you,' a woman said to her friend, 'I've never been happier. I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous. He's handsome, sensitive, caring and considerate.' 'What in the world do you need the second one for?' the friend asked. 'Oh,' the first replied, 'the second one is straight.'


A DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the not-guilty verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly he asked, 'What possible excuse could you people have for acquitting this maniacal criminal?' The foreman answered, 'Insanity.' 'I could understand that,' the DA said, 'but all 12 of you?'


A cop pulled a man over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walked up to the driver's window and asked, 'You drinkin'?' 'That depends,' the driver said. 'You buyin'?'