With the cost of living so high these days, why do you even bother? 

Do you know that you were in an accident? No? Your father had a wet dream and your mother rolled in it. 

People always complained to me that you stunk and I defended you. I said, 'Like shit you do!'

Do you know what I really like about you? No? Damn, I was hoping you could give me a reason.

He's not two-faced. If he was, he wouldn't be wearing that one.

You know, if you looked just a tiny bit better, maybe Clinton would sleep with you.

Don't worry, I tell all my kids our visitors are the Boogey Man. 

Sure you look good...about as good as Eddie Murphy's career.

Hey, aren't you Monica Lewinski!?

Does your train of thought even have an engine?