You're so fat your shadow weighs ten pounds.
You lost your virginity to a vacuum cleaner.
When it comes to sex you take matters into your own hands.
You used to work for a sperm bank but got fired for drinking on the job.
Your mom is so old she owes Jesus three bucks.
Your butt is so big that it looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud.
Your wife is so fat that not even God could lift her spirits.
You're so ugly that you have to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink.
Your mother is so fat she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt.
I heard your mother tired out for the part of Jaba in Star Wars but they wanted someone thinner and more attractive.