"I have such a big heart," a woman said to her friend. "This morning I gave a bum $100." "What did your husband say about that?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "Thank you."
Q. Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz? A. She had three men giving her directions.
Q. What is the punishment for bigamy? A. Two mothers-in-law.
A recent national poll was conducted for the sole purpose of determining why men get up in the middle of the night. Twenty-four percent get up because they have to pee. Sixteen percent go prowling around the kitchen for something to eat. The other 60 percent get up to go home.
"Whatever happened to that good looking man you married?" a woman asked her redheaded friend. "Oh," said the redhead, "I had to divorce him for health reasons." "Really?" the woman asked. "What do you mean?" The redhead replied, "I grew sick of him."
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you no matter who left you a fortune."
"I fought over a girl last night," one friend said to another. "Oh yeah?" the second replied. "With whom?" The other answered, "My wife."
Q. What do you call a rooster with erectile dysfunction? A. A boneless chicken.
Arriving home unexpectedly early from a business trip, a tired executive was shocked to discover his wife in bed with their neighbor. "Since you are in bed with my wife," the furious man shouted, "I'm going over to sleep with yours!" "Go right ahead," the man replied. "The rest will do you good."
An old man hadn't been able to hear for years. He finally went to see a doctor, who diagnosed the problem and restored his hearing. A month later the man returned for a follow-up. "Your family must be really happy you can hear again," the doctor said. "Oh, I haven't told my family yet," the man said. "I just sit around and listen to them talk. So far I've changed my will three times."