You're so ugly your face is closed on weekends.
You're so ugly if you joined an ugly contest they'd say, 'Sorry, no professionals.'
You're so nasty that when you take off your underwear it sounds like Velcro.
We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.
You're a parasite for sore eyes.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide...your absence.
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
They don't hardly make them like him anymore, but just to be on the safe side he should be castrated anyway.
I'll bet your father spent the first year of your life throwing rocks at the stork.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.