Saturday, February 12, 2011

Two men waiting at the pearly gates struck up a conversation. 'How'd you die?' the first man asked the second. 'I froze to death,' said the second. 'How about you? How did you die?' 'I had a heart attack,' said the first man. 'I knew my wife was cheating on me, so I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom and found her alone. Then I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. Then I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a heart attack and died.' The second man shook his head. 'That's ironic,' he said. 'If you had looked in the freezer first, we'd both still be alive.'
Two terrorists were chatting. One pulled out his wallet and flipped through the photographs. 'This is my oldest,' he said proudly. 'He is a martyr. And this is my second oldest. He too is a martyr.' 'Ah,' the second terrorist said, 'they blow up so fast.'
A man noticed his co-worker wearing an earring. 'I didn't know you were into that kind of stuff,' he said. 'It's just an earring,' the co-worker replied. 'How long have you been wearing it?' the man asked. 'Well,' his co-worker replied, 'ever since my wife found it in our bed.'
'I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me,' the comely coed confessed to her friend. 'That's terrible,' the friend replied. 'Which one?'
'I think my wife is unfaithful,' a man said to his friend. 'I asked her where she was last night, and he said she spent the night with her sister.' 'Why do you think she's unfaithful?' asked the friend. The first man replied, 'I spent the night with her sister.'
A teacher had asked her class to write a composition about an interesting recent event in their lives. A boy got up and began to read his essay, 'Daddy fell into the well last week.' 'My goodness!' the teacher interjected. 'Is he okay?' 'He must be,' said the boy. 'He stopped yelling for help yesterday.'
A man at a play couldn't hear the actors' dialogue over the constant chatter of two women sitting in front of him. He tapped one on the shoulder. 'Excuse me,' he said, 'I can't hear very well.' 'I should hope not,' she replied curtly. 'This is a private conversation.'
At his grandfather's memorial, a man said, 'When I die, I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not like the other passengers in the car he was driving.'
A student asked his teacher, 'Would you punish me for something I didn't do?' 'No, of course not,' she answered. 'Good,' the boy replied. 'I didn't do my homework.'
Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids won't eat broccoli!

No comments:

Post a Comment